Use a warm, respectful tone and get down to the child’s level
Acknowledge feelings before giving directions
Name what the child seems to be feeling (“You’re really upset”)
Listen so the child feels understood before problem-solving
Use “I” messages to describe your feelings and expectations
Offer choices when possible (“Do you want to start with homework or chores first?”)
Give clear, simple instructions one at a time
Use positive wording (“Walk inside” instead of “Don’t run”)
Check for understanding (“What are you going to do next?”)
Set limits calmly and firmly
Follow through consistently without long lectures
Use brief, specific consequences tied to the behavior
Avoid threats, nagging, and repeating instructions endlessly
Reduce power struggles by staying neutral and not arguing
Use empathy during conflict, then restate the limit
Encourage cooperation with “when/then” requests (“When you pick up blocks, then we can…” )
Prepare ahead of time for transitions (“In 5 minutes we’ll leave”)
Use routines to prevent repeated battles
Reward effort and progress, not just results
Catch the child being good and comment specifically on it
Use praise that targets behavior (“You kept your hands to yourself”)
Encourage problem-solving by asking questions
Offer help without taking over (“Do you want help getting started?”)
Let the child save face and avoid public correction
Apologize when you’re wrong and repair quickly
Avoid adult “why” questions during emotional moments
Use “reflection” statements instead of interrogations (“That sounds frustrating”)
Keep consequences short, immediate, and unemotional
Maintain connection first, then address behavior
Practice during calm times, not only during misbehavior